My Twenty Year Old Self and Sex in the City…
Something I have been recently indulging in during my lunch breaks are Sex in the City reruns on E. I admit I wasn’t a fan when the show first appeared… First, I never in my life had HBO so there was that but secondly, I just didn’t get it. I wasn’t a girly girl… I never have bought designer shoes or handbags. I own a vintage Louis Vuitton that I refuse to carry because it seems too extravagant… and “girly” stuff is what I thought Sex in the City was about, shoes and designer bags… So I passed (and no I still haven’t seen the movies!)
Now as a thirty-something, married with daughters of my own, I finally get it… It has little to do with materialistic bags and shoes… although that stuff is in there, that’s for sure… It is a show about the craziness of relationships, some sexual and some platonic… but real and relatable. I find it somewhat hilarious that while I was dating a variety of personalities, many of which are represented on the show, I felt no connection. Now in my thirties I can totally relate. Not sure why but I think stepping back from the drama of my twenties (and I know the women are suppose to be in their thirties on the show:P) and the dating hell that happens as a young adult, I can find humor and comfort in knowing I’m not the only one that dated that guy.
I also know now that it was all just noise. The only relationships that ever really mattered were my first love and my current husband… everyone else was just filler. Not that I don’t wish my exes well… I just don’t care anymore and that is a great place to be. I don’t remember much of the drama (I have selective memory) I just remember enough to know I don’t ever want to go back. I know at the time my heartaches were real and everything seemed so final, and that’s because it was. Those breakups were final and that is a good thing. A very good thing! I dodged a lot of bullets, people. I am one of the lucky ones. I didn’t end up with a cheating husband or an emotional abuser… or someone that gets high everyday 24/7… I dodged well. I see some friends from my past in not so good situations, and I think that could have been me if I had ended up with so-and-so. I’m blessed.
Although I know I am lucky, I still have higher hopes for my daughters. I want to raise them so they never feel they have to make compromises in life… and I’m not referring to team work or where to have dinner… I mean real compromise, compromise that affects your soul. I don’t want them to make decisions to keep someone else happy. I want them to become smart and strong women, strong enough to make their own way in the world without needing to be in relationships, like I always needed. I want my girls to feel free to do as they please and live where wish, and decided whether they want to marry or not… have children or not. I just want them to live their lives to their fullest… as cheesy as it sounds we only get one life. I wasted much of mine in crappy relationships trying to make miserable people happy.
I know my daughters will have their hearts broken, unfortunately that is not escapable but I want them to know that sexual love or relationship status isn’t like it is in a movie or book. It doesn’t encompass everything you are and it doesn’t complete you. No matter how other people try to make relationship status define you, it does not define you. You are defined by your strength of character which includes your treatment of those weaker than you, your love of God, your intelligence, your ability to love yourself enough to create and accomplish goals that better yourself… goals for no one else but yourself.
Raising strong women in a culture that is geared toward the opposite is very scary. I’m terrified of what the future holds for them, but I am also optimistic… I hope I’m not the only one teaching my girls these radical ideas (ideas that boys are naturally taught from their first step)… So, yes… in my thirties I have found a love for Sex in the City and I while I relate too well to Carrie Bradshaw and wearing your heart on your sleeve, I also hope that I’ve learned my lessons and that maybe I can teach my daughters ways to avoid the same mistakes I’ve made. Isn’t that what all parents really want? To help our children live better lives than we did. I hope so.