An Open Letter to a Friend

Open Letter to a Friend- First of all I don’t know what the F is going on… In my mind I spoke to you just yesterday but in actual calendar days that seems to be 10 years ago. I don’t know where the time has gone, or where it has taken you. I am a terrible friend. I miss us… I miss the times we stayed up all night laughing hysterically at nature documentaries; I miss late night AOL conversations about which hot girl you are cyber stalking; I miss the many jokes you told at my expense… I miss having a hundred voicemail messages all asking me what I was doing Friday night. I wasn’t there often enough, especially when you needed me most. I have made many terrible choices that I can’t remember right now but I’m sure you do. I gave you super hero powers of importance and lost myself in our shallow waters. I always cared too much, although it may not have been apparent. I keep the letters, the emails, the photos, the books inscribed; all the physical memories are tucked away in a box. The things I can’t hold onto are the memories. Once in a while one will peak out from under the covers, contorted and cumbersome I toss it under my bed thinking I’ll clean up and put it away later… when I have the right place to keep it. Someday I’ll have a bigger house, one that will fit all our conversations, car rides, and late night basketball games but for now it’s all crammed under my bed. The truth is that while I am missing us, and missing you, and thinking about all our missed chances and broken promises… oh, the many things I never got to tell you. I have to also admit that life without you is kind-of great. These past 10 years have flown by because I have new memories, new family, and new life. I made some really poor choices and they may or may not have deeply affected you… Your location or your lover or your job may be tied to my lack of commitment or lack of communication. You may or may not want to thank me. I might have been destiny’s tool, unable to control where each of us landed. I’ve had ten or more years to settle into this place without you and sometimes there is a hole where I feel you should be but I know you could never be here in this exact place. I wade in these waters, and our memories slip further away. I notice the gentle tugging as the river washes them downstream. I have to let go. You were a great friend and I still love you. In my own self-centered and narcissistic way I just want to finally give you what I was never able to, a formal goodbye.  

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About TeaRomero

Mother, Runner, and English Bull Terrier enthusiast.
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