25 Things Worse Than Giving Birth

Since I am having a baby and trying not to think about what is going to happen to me in a little less than 6 months (baby=exciting/ giving birth=having train run over your crotch), I put together a list of 25 things that cause me more anxiety than a basketball being pushed out of my vagina…
1.Being bit by a bat… that sounds really creepy and could possibly lead to rabies.
2.Being forced into a cave… or running the Groundhog Race. No air. No light.
3.Just sitting in the dark. I hate the dark.
4.Having to use someone else’s pen… did they chew it? Use it to scratch between their toes… or worse? I don’t know, it’s gross.
5.Having something metal shoot into my eye… like a staple. Totally freaky… actually staples in general freak me out.
6.Losing a nail… or having one ripped out.
7.Having to swim in a tunnel… or swim in a cave like The Descent. Especially if the water is actually blood and rotting bodies.
8.Having to use a public bathroom that has no doors… I always have this dream and it freaks me out. I have to use the restroom while everyone shops, drinks coffee, or works around me.
9.Having acid thrown on my face from a highway overpass. I saw it on Dr. Phil.
10.During a normal dental exam having the dentist accidently slice the sides of my mouth like the Black Dahlia.
11.Having Crohn’s disease.
12.Accidently cutting a finger off while chopping veggies.
13.Being stuck in an elevator with anyone I work with for any extended period of time… We’re talking anything over the normal 5 minute ride.
14.Having someone lace my drink with some sort of drug… either one that makes me trip out or one that makes me pass out… or die. I don’t know it all sounds bad.
15.Being forced to take LSD… I’ve known people who do it and enjoy it or whatever druggie people do but I remember “Just Say No” told us in 5th grade that LSD makes your brain bleed… no thank you.
16.Being asked to eat over at someone’s house and all they serve is Menudo. I’d be rude not to take it… then I pull a Bush and throw up all over.
17.Having to take my shoes off over at someone’s house… walking barefoot in other people’s homes freaks me out.
18.Having my car break down on the Broadway Bridge.
19.Being in a car accident on any bridge or overpass that causes my car to go flying off the edge.
20.Getting a bloody nose.
21.Catching on fire.
22.My head hitting concrete, like a watermelon… then cracking open like an egg… oh, my imagination.
23.Having my Achilles tendon sliced… like completely and having it snap. I read a book where the serial killer did this to all his victims.
24.Bleeding out my eyes… or herpes of the eye… WTF.
25.Having a basketball pushed out my vagina…

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About TeaRomero

Mother, Runner, and English Bull Terrier enthusiast.
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